Afterthought

Regarding my previous post, I'm not satisfied with the way it came across. I need to clarify myself or it will bother me to no end. (Blame it on the fact that while I was writing, Matt had Fox News on and Sean Hannity was interviewing Carol Channing. The Broadway legend is a gem and it was a delightful interview, but I think her chatter made me unable to focus while I was writing. Yeah - that's it...it's HER fault! ha ha ha)
Nevertheless, I hate whining. I wasn't trying to sound whiney; I've just really struggled with the fact that I'm living in my house but can't enjoy it. The re-arranging of the rooms is not conducive to our family size, etc. Blah, blah blah -- I've already said what bothers me about it. What I really need is to grasp the fact that it's not about the structure itself, it's about what happens within the structure. It doesn't matter what color the walls are -- but rather, how am I speaking to my children? Is love evident within the home? When one of them accidently spills a drink or drops a bowl, what is my reaction? Do I yell, or do I assure them it's okay and help them clean up? Do I berate them for not doing a good-enough job cleaning, or do I come alongside them and show step-by-step how to do it to meet my expectations? Hmmmm, Rebecca -- which is it? Perhaps these are the factors that make a house a home, not the layout of the bedrooms or the amount of clutter on the counter. Perhaps this is one of the biggest lessons of all that the Lord is trying to instill in me. Those are things for me to ponder this weekend, and I realize now that I need to focus on what happens within our home and not on the home itself. Afterall, a family lives here. MY family. I need to be more like the woman in Proverbs 31 and less like the man who built his house on the sand.
"She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."
Prov. 31:26

I've Lost that Lovin' Feeling... (now it's gone, gone, gone - whoa-oa-oa)

I've been in a funk for the past month or so. It's evident by the fact that I've traded good habits for bad, spent less and less time studying God's Word, and have become quite restless in our current situation. I'm very aware that I'd better snap out of it.
Tonight I finally got off my unmotivated can and took the littles for a walk around the block after dinner. As we rounded the corner, I suddenly realized the cause for my discontent:
Our home, which we poured our lives into building three years ago, doesn't feel like home anymore. It feels like it's someone else's house and we're just staying there. I'm too uptight to enjoy it because I know that we won't be living here for very much longer (at least as far as we know). The tile floors that I absolutely loved a year ago now seem cold and unforgiving when I clean them. The warm tones we chose for the paint is too dark, according to some of the potential buyers who have come through. The beautiful hand-carved ash trim that I fell in love with at first sight is too light, as per others. I can't ever seem to get the granite shiny enough, the carpets clean enough, and for the life of me - I can't keep my plants and flowers alive. The hanging baskets I so happily placed in strategic places in our backyard survived no more than a week before they turned brown and crunchy. I've come to the realization that I despise our house because it's no longer "ours".
Please don't think I'm ungrateful, because that's not the case. I just wish that I could live here without worrying about whether the next showing will be good enough for someone to make an offer. I hate that my kids had to take all of their decorations off their walls and put most of their belongings in storage so the house wouldn't appear cluttered. Our floorplan was customized to fit our large family, but the layout "confused" too many people who came through; so we re-arranged the main rooms to accomodate those who have no imagination. For example, now our only tv is in our bedroom and I hate that the kids have to try to get comfortable on our bedroom floor instead of sprawling out in the family room to watch tv.
Thanks for letting me vent. I've always tried to be completely transparent with this blog, and sometimes, as with this post, it's ugly. It really is helpful to me to write how I feel and what is going on deep in my heart. I know the Lord has a plan for us. I need to keep waiting on Him and believing that His Will is being accomplished in my life. I must embrace this trial and not allow negativity and bitterness set in.
Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Goodnight, all!

No News Is...No News

In case you're wondering what the latest is with Matt's job search and our moving plans, here's an update: I have no idea what's next! Matt has passed all of the requirements to proceed with the insurance job here in OKC, but we haven't heard anything new in nearly a week. We're just waiting to find out the next step. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
As for the house, we've had people come through as recently as yesterday. With the possibility of staying here for another 18-24 months (while Matt gets certified in the insurance biz) we're not as stressed about selling the house RIGHT NOW. However, since he hasn't acquired an income yet, the sooner we can unload our mortgage, the better. If we do sell our home soon, I'm sure there's a landlord somewhere around here who would just love to rent to a family of 10!
In other news: Abby, Ally and Madi are attending a sports camp a couple mornings this week. Soccer for Abby, cheerleading for the other two. It's actually a VBS cleverly disguised as a sports camp and it's being held at a church just down the road from us. Pretty neat idea, if you ask me.
I enrolled Zac and Seth in the public school system here yesterday. Sophmore year for Zac, 8th grade for Seth. We're not sure how long we'll actually be living here, but I had to just do the next thing instead of waiting until the last minute to figure out our schooling plans. At this point we're pretty sure that I will homeschool the girls. Having attended a small Christian academy for the past 4 years has been wonderful, but we can no longer afford it and I just don't think they're ready for public school yet.
That's about all for now. I'll update as things fall into place. Have a blessed week!

Of Cake and Kids and Turning Five

Kathryn Hope is five today! We celebrated on Saturday night with cake and ice cream. Thankfully Katie decided against the "Lord of the Rings" cake idea and asked Abby to make a yellow cake with chocolate frosting instead. Abby and Ally made it totally by themselves and it turned out quite cute!

Time to cut the cake!

She isn't old enough for an American Girl doll, but she is thrilled to have a look-alike so she can join her sisters when they play with theirs.

Random Pics

Hmmm....to whom do these belong?

Aha! It's Luke!

Having a little brother can be hair-raising...

Sorry Nate, those puppy-dog eyes don't work on me anymore. I KNOW you pulled his hair!

Yes Nate, someday you will have a full head of hair. Someday...

This Place is a Zoo!

We had a great day today! The OKC zoo charges just $1 per person for admittance on Wednesdays in July and August, so we packed up the kids and spent the morning there. Considering that Luke and Nate were free, we paid a "whopping" $8. What a blessing to take the family on a nice outing for such a reasonable price! It was Luke's first time and he was so excited to see the monkeys. I personally hadn't been there in almost 6 years, but the kids have gone with school groups and with Matt,Grandma and Grandpa back when Luke was born. It was quite hot (near 100 everyday this week) so we headed there early and finished before lunchtime. As well, Matt took the 2 oldest boys to see "Robin Hood" at the dollar theater last night. $3 total for the movie plus a $5 pizza afterward from Little Caesar's made for a cheap - but fun- boys nite!
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Anteater -- if it was a fly-eater, I'd kidnap it to keep around everytime Matt grills, because we get a ridiculous number of flies swarming around.

Luke is such a silly goose!

Got it made in the shade.

One of the twin grizzly bears.

Ally, Katie and Zac

Timely Word or Missed Opportunity?

"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction." 2Timothy 4:2
There is an episode of Seinfeld in which George obsesses over the fact that he came up with a perfect comeback long after the conversation was over. It drove him crazy that he had a zinger of a response for someone and didn't have the opportunity to say it. I can so relate with George. I've often found myself in the same situation: I'm caught off-guard in a conversation and say something I regret, or I say the totally wrong thing, or even come up with a witty comment when it's no longer the appropriate time to share it. It really drives me nuts!
I had that experience the other day and it has bothered me a lot. I met our neighbor who lives across the street as she sat on her front step with her newborn - a little guy named Boston (yes, Boston) who's just two weeks old. We chatted a few minutes before April confessed that she was quite emotional that day because she was still getting used to motherhood and was having trouble getting Boston to stay asleep when she puts him in his bed. She was clearly exhausted as well as frustrated at her inability to get anything done as he wanted to be held all the time. I was sympathetic, told her I knew how she felt and assured her that the phase was temporary.
Later I realized that I could have offered her some valid suggestions for trying to get him to stay asleep. I've had enough experience with babies to know that sometimes a pacifier or a gentle pat on the back is just the thing they need. However, those ideas didn't occur to me at the time I was speaking with her. My years of experience were of no benefit to her because I wasn't prepared to share advice when it was needed. I missed the opportunity to speak into her life.
I believe the Lord has been trying to show me that I'm filling my head with too many unimportant things, which in turn prevent me from saying the right thing at the right time. Proverbs 15:23 says, "A man finds joy in an apt answer, and how delightful is a timely word!". That is so true! A well-spoken reply brings satisfaction to both the speaker and the recipient. What good is my knowledge if I don't share it at the appropriate time? Television, Internet, frivolous thoughts and daydreaming take up so much space in my life that it results in mindless blather tumbling out of my lips instead of words that could bring comfort, healing, truth, and timely humor. I must fill my mind with the things of the Lord, by keeping His Word in my heart and daily asking Him to help me be salt and light. My words must be seasoned and well-chosen so that they can bless others. Otherwise, what good am I?

The Week That Was

Ahhhh... it's Sunday and I'm ready for a new week. Here's an abridged version of past seven days: failed openhouse; quit facebook; Matt develops a hideous case of poison ivy; Abby and Seth likewise develop not-as-hideous cases of poison ivy; Matt and I meet for 2 hours with our realtor to discuss why our house isn't selling. Matt has a job interview, the next morning he's offered said job here in OKC, then receives phone call from yet another job, wanting to meet with him in NC; Matt meets again with local company that offered him a job and decides he wants to pursue it; Matt calls the company in NC and tells them he's removing his name from the list of candidates; Matt then receives a call from a company in IN wanting to meet with him this next weekend, but he is at this time still undecided about whether or not he'll go. I make a ridiculous number of trips to the pharmacy for poison ivy relief for my husband and kids; I come down with a stinkin' cold -- in July! -- probably from my numerous trips to the pharmacy because that's where sick people spread their germs when they buy medicine; I discover that both of the neighbors in the two houses across the street each had their first baby in the past few weeks and I feel slightly guilty for not knowing either of them was pregnant; we receive an unexpected financial gift from people in another state whom I don't really know but to whom I am very grateful; and lastly, I re-arranged our bedroom furniture.
Whew! That was fun. This new week promises to be full of challenges, decisions, anxiety about things over which I have no control, what-ifs and lots of prayer; as well as the birthday of a certain soon-to-be-five-year -old. I'm ready. Bring it on.

For the Love of Laundry

I'm not sure when it happened, but somehow - recently - I've developed an affinity for doing laundry. Seriously. What the heck is wrong with me?
I look forward to emptying everyone's hampers while they're still asleep in the morning and getting a load started first thing. As soon as I hear the dryer buzzer I feel a slight twinge of delight as I anticipate smoothing and folding.
Perhaps it's because it's summertime, meaning my laundryroom counter is not lost beneath stacks of books and school projects. Perhaps it's because having the house for sale for 7 months has caused me to form good habits, including keeping up with wash everyday. I think, however, it is the satisfaction I feel after I've transformed the jumble of clothes fresh from the dryer into nice neat piles ready to be delivered to the appropriate bedrooms (where they'll no doubt sit on the kids' dressers until I threaten consequences if they aren't put away.) As well, I have found that when I'm folding, no one seems to offer to help...meaning mommy gets a few moments of p & q.
There is nothing that compares to the joy of discovering that stain is gone, the dishtowels don't smell sour, and Matt's workout clothes that he wore yesterday are fresh and clean and ready to accept another brutal sweat-fest.
Wow. Re-reading this, I've decided I have waaay too much time on my hands... and I still have another 10 hours until I get to wash another load!

Life After Facebook

Facebook was a good thing in my life, for the most part. In these last 2 years, I've re-connected with people with whom I'd lost contact in the past and rediscovered some wonderful friendships. Those people have challenged me, encouraged me and prayed for me; and I've had the privilege to reciprocate. But - and I can't really explain this except to say it was the leading of the Holy Spirit - on Sunday, after our openhouse bust, I knew it was time to give up Facebook. Maybe forever, maybe for 6 months, I don't know. But it was time.
It's been a good week. I haven't missed it at all, which surprises me. I guess that's because it was ordered of the Lord and not something I was trying to do in my own strength, because -- let's face it, honey --the temptation to revert back is always there. It's all good. I feel an unexpected sense of freedom by not being tied down to my computer. I have found plenty of other things to occupy my time: playing more games with the kids, running at the track (2 miles this morning! It's not much, but it's a start!), reading, etc. I have the email addresses of my closest friends, so I haven't lost anything in that respect. Those who want to keep in touch, will.
On a side note, today is a big day for Matt. That's all I can say for now, but I'll update when it's appropriate. If you're reading this post this morning, please pray that we will know the will of the Lord and have wisdom in some decisions. Thanks. Love you all.

When Life Hands You Lemons...

....make lemon-blueberry bread!!! But be sure to make a lot because my family loves this.
Recipe below. For the glaze I used powdered sugar rather than granulated, and added a little milk.






Lemon Blueberry Bread Recipe Taste of Home Recipes

A Work In Progress

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
We had our openhouse today. I was cautiously optimistic that this would be the day we'd receive an offer. Upon returning home we were informed by the realtor that no one came through the house. Disappointing, absolutely - but there is still peace in my heart.
All weekend long I've been keenly aware that God has a specific purpose in all of this. Today was confirmation that though He's doing a work in me, it is not finished yet. The best way to describe it is that I am like a piece of furniture being prepared to be refinished. He has stripped off every remnant of the old finish -- all of the superficial junk and shiny varnish and the stuff that looks good at first glance but is very flawed once scrutinized. He's stripping all of that away to get down to the bare wood. It's not pretty, but it's ready to be re-finished. It's in the perfect condition for Him to do His work. His work is slow and careful. It does not happen all at once but rather one stroke at a time.
The work He's done in our family, in our marriage, and in my personal life is a gift. This trial we've been in for the past 8 months has changed my life forever, for the good and for His glory. It's a slow work, tended to by a careful, loving Master. When He is finished, I want my life to reveal His workmanship.

Oh. So THAT'S Where I've Gone Wrong

Ugh. What a day. It was good because Zac came home from youth camp, but other than that today just drained me. Take one bored teenage boy (Seth), add a moody prepubescent girl (Abby), throw in lots of rain and humidity and a couple of younger siblings, and you've got chaos, baby. Pure chaos.
However, today turned into a one I will never forget when Matt said something rather profound while he was grilling burgers for dinner. After I finished whining about how awful the day was and how stressed out I am, he nonchalantly said, "That's because you have to die and learn to grow instead of trying to hang on for dear life." That stopped me in my tracks. I have been trying to hold on to what little substance I have. Die? Really? Meaning, I have to bow my knee and sincerely tell the Lord that He can take it all from me -- our house, our cars, my children...
Surrender. Surrender it all. It takes my breath away to even type those words. The idea of losing everything is frightening. I'm afraid of the unknown -what if Matt doesn't get hired anywhere in the near future? Will we lose the house? What then?
Even now I can sense the Holy Spirit telling me that it's time to loosen my grasp, let go and allow God to work in me for His pleasure; for His glory. It's time to die to my idea of how I think life should be and let His will dictate. The reason I obsess over having our home absolutely perfect for showings and openhouse is because I keep telling myself that if it's perfect, this time someone will make an offer. Well, Rebecca - it "ain't worked yet". God isn't selling our house according to my timetable. So- if we don't sell, and the bank takes our home, it's because that is the will of the Lord. I must trust Him. I must trust Him that He loves my children more than I do, and He will take care of all of us. The 300 jobs that Matt has applied for and been rejected is the will of the Lord. He loves Matt. He's stretching him, allowing him to walk through this season for Matt's good and for His glory. In the end, all that will remain is God's greatness and our testimony. I think I'm starting to understand that now.

Living With Less, Pt. II

I wanted to add on to the previous post. For meals, we are very basic. Breakfast is either eggs, multi-grain pancakes, or oatmeal. I found a great recipe for baked oatmeal that I make about once a week. We also go through 2 dozen hard-boiled eggs each week. We have them with breakfast or turn them into egg salad. As well, we eat a ton of beans. Matt likes to prepare them, so he combines black, kidney and pinto beans and lets them soak overnight in the crockpot but doesn't turn it on. The next morning he drains off some off the water, adds seasonings and sets the crockpot to low (10-12 hours). Those beans provide us lunch and dinner for several days. We can add them to rice, pasta, mac and cheese, or just eat them by themselves. Low fat + low-carb + very economical = perfect!
We let the kids have one serving of lemonade per day; other than that they drink water. No milk except for Katie (only before bed) and Luke (our recovering milk- addict). Occasionally we buy a 2-liter of diet root beer, but with 7 kids of drinking age, it goes fast.
Many of my friends use cloth diapers, but I have not jumped on that bandwagon. I added it up and figured out that the initial purchase plus the continuous laundry cost was just not worthwhile. Besides, with needing to keep the house ready to show on a moment's notice, messy cloth diapers is not something I want to deal with. Luke's potty-training is not progressing as quickly as I'd hoped, but he'll get there soon enough. That will eliminate his diaper expense.
I don't put gas in the vehicles until I am satisfied that I have found the lowest price. Around here, there is a 7-11 store on every corner (seriously!) and they compete with eachother. Yes, I do drive 2 miles out of my way if I can save 3 or 5 cents per gallon. It really does make a difference!
Finally, I've started frequenting Goodwill for clothing for the kids and myself. It's true that I always feel the need to scrub down the kids as soon as we leave the store, but we have found some great deals there despite. Brand names, sometimes new or like-new clothes are often right there on the rack, and I can accomodate everyone's size in one place.
Guess that's all for now. We've been saving all of our loose change for the past 2-1/2 years, hoping to use it for a family vacation. It will be heart-breaking if we have to use it to pay bills at some point, so I figure if we can pinch pennies at every opportunity we'll have more pennies (and nickels, dimes and quarters) in our jar.

Living with Less...A Lot Less

Since we're still jobless and no longer receiving weekly unemployment benefits, my focus as home manager is all about saving money. I thought I'd share with you a few ways we've cut back our spending. It's amazing how life doesn't seem so horrible even without the "luxuries" one is accustomed to.
Laundry: I'm still unable to find the ingredients for homemade laundry detergent here locally, so Era remains on the shopping list each month. However, I still do one thing differently: the last time we purchased a gigantic-sized bottle of fabric softener, I emptied it into a 5-gallon bucket, added 2 parts water and tossed in a couple of brand-new sponges. When I run a load of wash I add the detergent and the clothes to the washer, then I take one of the sponges from the bucket, squeeze it out slightly and add to the load. It uses less fabric softener but the clothes still smell great. My guess is that it has lasted twice as long this way.
Shopping: It's all about coupons, baby. I spend $2 each week on the Sunday paper and usually get about $12-worth of usable coupons. As well, I print coupons from Coupons.com, the only free site I've found that doesn't bombard me with spam. I then take all of my coupons and match them with the weekly store fliers. Walgreen's and CVS also offer "register rewards" which occasionally give me a coupon for $$ off my next purchase. For example, a few weeks ago CVS had Huggies Diapers on sale for 19.99 for the big box. They offered a $10 register rewards with its purchase, and I also had a $3 coupon for Huggies. After redeeming my coupons and rewards, I purchased a 102-count box of Huggies diapers for a grand total of $6.99.
Utilities: We try to cut our electricity usage any way possible. It means not using the heat cycle to dry dishes in the dishwasher; instead we let them remain for 30 minutes or so after the cycle finishes and most of the water drops evaporate. The drops that remain are simply towel-dried. As well, we stock up on paper plates when they're on sale and use those instead of regular plates to cut down on water usage -- and time! We often turn off the A/C, open the windows and use fans until the heat of the day dictates otherwise. We avoid opening the overhead garage door if we can use the front door instead.
Food: We've cut down drastically on our snackage. This is also in part because of our choice to eat healthier as well. Our kids want snacks all the time, so each morning I post the day's menu with snacks included. It is usually peanut butter crackers, applesauce or watermelon. We love Doritos but we don't buy them anymore because they are expensive and don't last long in this house. Nowadays, if we want a salty snack or if I make a Mexican meal, I use a pizza cutter to cut a stack of whole-wheat tortillas into wedge-shaped pieces; lay them out on a baking sheet and spray them with non-stick spray. I season them with sea salt, wheat germ, chili powder and garlic salt and bake them at 425 degrees for 7-9 minutes. For a smaller batch I'll heat them in a skillet on the stove. For a sweet snack I use cinnamon-sugar instead of the salty seasonings. Ok, so they're not even close to the savory taste of Doritos, but they really are yummy! And, at about .35 cents a batch they will do. (I pay .98 cents for a package of ten tortillas; each batch uses 2-4 tortillas, so we get several batches per pkg.)
Entertainment and Activities: This is the area of that has taken the biggest hit. We do very few activities outside of the home, but we have a trampoline, bikes, scooters and such to keep busy outside before the day gets too hot. On the occasions that we have a house-showing in the afternoon and have to leave home for a while, we take advantage of Sonic's Happy-Hour and get cold drinks for half-price. Furthermore, occasionally we will treat the family to "Monday Madness" at Little Caesar's Pizza, when pizzas are $3.98 each. We can feed the whole family dinner for about $18, including breadsticks and soda. We have an open house this Sunday and will have to stay away for 2-/2 hours, so it will be interesting trying to fill that time frame without spending money.
I realize I'm just rambling now. I think I'm just trying to make sense of all of this in my head. Life really stinks this summer, but we're trying to make the most of what we have. I'm so proud of our kids -- they roll with the punches and don't often complain about having to do without. They work so hard for each house showing (this Sunday will be our 35th showing) and they get so excited when Matt gets a lead on a job. I wish for their sake God would move His Hand already and open the door for us to get some income. I don't know what it is that's preventing it from happening, but we'll continue to take one day at a time and do what we can. Meanwhile, Disney World and Doritos will have to wait.

Fourth of July

Happy Independance Day! I hope it was a wonderful weekend for everyone. It has been raining here ALL weekend so I'm glad we didn't make any plans. At this moment, Matt is playing a game of Risk with Zac, Seth and Abby while the younger girls and Luke are on the patio oohing and aahing as they watch a distant fireworks display. (though I don't know how anyone is having success with fireworks in this soggy weather.) Nathan is in my lap fighting sleep.
Tomorrow Zac leaves for Youth America, a Christian youth conference. He will be there until Friday. The opportunity for him to attend just came about two days ago thanks to the generosity of the youth group he's been attending for the past year-and-a-half. The conference is in North Oklahoma City, about 25 minutes away - but it might as well be in another state altogether as the use of cell phones and Ipods is strictly forbidden. It will be so good for Zac to "unplug" for awhile. Hopefully it will allow him to hear the Lord speak into his life.
Other big news happening this week is the undertaking of potty-training Luke. He loves to use the potty. The only thing holding him back has been a lack of consistency on my part, but it will be my priority now. He's ready! Yay!
I hope you all have a great week. Thanks for stopping by my blog!
~Rebecca

It's All About Attitude

Please don't let the personal nature of this post scare you off. Writing is therapeutic for me. I write from the heart, and sometimes it gets right down to the nitty-gritty. Now, at 1:58 am C.S.T. on July 2, 2010, is one of those times. Write, I must.
Had a good day on Thursday -and actually Wednesday wasn't bad, either. We had a showing Thursday afternoon that we spent two days preparing for. Matt got all of the little things on the to-do list done (ie re-hanging fallen towel bars, tweaking the spring on the front door that just didn't close quite right, etc)and I did detailed cleaning alongside the kids. I felt really good about this showing -- maybe, just maybe this will be THE one. I was optimistic all day.
However, we haven't heard back from the realtor yet. I figure if the buyers who came through the house were interested we would know by now. I am disappointed beyond words. I know better than to get my hopes up, but I was just feeling so good about this one.
Anyway, my spirits weren't yet dampened until just a while ago. I could feel my anxiety rising as I read through other friends' posts about their vacations and fun plans for the Fourth of July. "Fun, fun, fun! Let's make wondeful memories and take lots of pictures so that all of our friends can see what a great time we've had." Grrrr....I've been trying to make plans but without a dime to spare and a husband who hates crowds, the holiday weekend will be like all of our other ones: uneventful.
...And that, dear readers, is where I gave the enemy a doorway. Yep, I started feeling sorry for myself and my kids because our lives really suck right now. In typical Satan fashion, he started reminding me of all the things we don't have and can't do and wanted to do in the past but didn't. And then, I started thinking about all the vacations we've taken in the past 6 years -- all one of them. Yes, one vacation in six years. Oh, poor me!
That has been a sore spot for me for eons, but you know what? My resentment, my bitterness about things like that is sin. Just plain sin. I've chosen to be resentful and hold bitterness. I can blame my husband for his failure to make life exciting for us, but guess what, Rebecca? It's still MY sin.
Wouldn't you know that right about the time I was getting really riled inside about how our kids are missing out on fun family adventures, Matt rolled over and asked me to massage his lower back because he'd strained it during his workout. Normally I'm happy to do that, but this time I lasted about 30 seconds before I abruptly hopped out of bed and went to the laundry room to fold whatever was in the dryer. Poor Matt...he had no idea what came over me. However, I knew that I needed to be alone somewhere to pray and settle down. I'm finally learning that when I let things get to me -- especially situations that neither Matt nor I can change -- by letting them get to me I'm only driving a wedge between he and I AND the Lord and I.
Okay, so after all that you're asking "what is her point?", right? My point is that I get to choose either to give thanks for what we have or allow myself to be consumed by what we don't have. What kind of example am I to my children if I complain about our lack of vacation trips, or whine about Matt not wanting to do anything fun or go somewhere for the day? What is that teaching my kids? That it's okay to be ungrateful? That we should be able to have whatever we want? Whew...I think that's what I've been doing for a long time. Lord, have mercy!
Instead, I must teach them to choose to be grateful for all that He's done in the last 8 months. Matt's a changed man, I've certainly changed for the better, our marriage is stronger than it's ever been, our kids are developing character and creativity, etc. We've learned to live without a lot of "things"; we have a lot more family time together at home, and most importantly, when all is said and done and God's plan for our future comes to fruition, we will all be able to say, "Look what the Lord has done! He was faithful to us: there was always provision, we grew in our faith, and our lives are better than they were before Matt was laid-off."
Hmmm...I guess that's all I have to write. If you've stuck around this long, I thank you. Please pray for we Varnells - that we will not grow weary in this drought, but that the Lord will continue to work and cleanse and purify us according to His will.
Hugs to you - goodnight! (errr...make that "good morning".)

Random Pics from This Week

Sportin' the summer buzzcut. Mom's first attempt with a squirming 2 year-old....not bad!

Sweet Katie is so excited to turn five later this month!

Like father, like daughter. Abby took her turn at the grill.


Not sure what to think of this, but it's cute!

A few of my favorite things: Lavender-scented PineSol (safe to use on wood, too!); Magic Erasers - because I have children; and Guardsman furniture touch-up marker.

Since Matt commented about how funny it was that Nate was wearing a muscle shirt, I decided to make him look like a tough guy. Yep, that smile is real menacing, huh?