Twenty Feet of Grace: Oh. So THAT'S Where I've Gone Wrong

Friday, July 9, 2010

Oh. So THAT'S Where I've Gone Wrong

Ugh. What a day. It was good because Zac came home from youth camp, but other than that today just drained me. Take one bored teenage boy (Seth), add a moody prepubescent girl (Abby), throw in lots of rain and humidity and a couple of younger siblings, and you've got chaos, baby. Pure chaos.
However, today turned into a one I will never forget when Matt said something rather profound while he was grilling burgers for dinner. After I finished whining about how awful the day was and how stressed out I am, he nonchalantly said, "That's because you have to die and learn to grow instead of trying to hang on for dear life." That stopped me in my tracks. I have been trying to hold on to what little substance I have. Die? Really? Meaning, I have to bow my knee and sincerely tell the Lord that He can take it all from me -- our house, our cars, my children...
Surrender. Surrender it all. It takes my breath away to even type those words. The idea of losing everything is frightening. I'm afraid of the unknown -what if Matt doesn't get hired anywhere in the near future? Will we lose the house? What then?
Even now I can sense the Holy Spirit telling me that it's time to loosen my grasp, let go and allow God to work in me for His pleasure; for His glory. It's time to die to my idea of how I think life should be and let His will dictate. The reason I obsess over having our home absolutely perfect for showings and openhouse is because I keep telling myself that if it's perfect, this time someone will make an offer. Well, Rebecca - it "ain't worked yet". God isn't selling our house according to my timetable. So- if we don't sell, and the bank takes our home, it's because that is the will of the Lord. I must trust Him. I must trust Him that He loves my children more than I do, and He will take care of all of us. The 300 jobs that Matt has applied for and been rejected is the will of the Lord. He loves Matt. He's stretching him, allowing him to walk through this season for Matt's good and for His glory. In the end, all that will remain is God's greatness and our testimony. I think I'm starting to understand that now.

1 comment:

CynthiaJuly 10, 2010 at 2:52 PM
Profound, Rebecca. It brings me to tears, honestly. So true. I have come to the same realization, too, but you have expressed it so beautifully! What a great husband you have! (I have a pretty good one too). Trials do stretch us and HELP us by making us humble and teaching us to trust in God. Such truth!! Thank you.
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From the Mouths of Babes...

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