O To See Life Through HER Eyes!

I've been blogfully neglectful again. I apologize, and won't bother with excuses. However, I needed a laugh this afternoon so I decided to read some Erma Bombeck quotes. She is THE cure for a dismal attitude....so, enjoy!

Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?"
-- Erma Bombeck

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on."
-- Erma Bombeck

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
-- Erma Bombeck

I have never gone to the bathroom in my life that a small voice on the other side of the door hasn't whined, "Are you saving the bananas for anything?"
-- Erma Bombeck

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
-- Erma Bombeck

I remember buying a set of black plastic dishes once, after I saw an ad on television where they actually put a blowtorch to them and they emerged unscathed. Exactly one week after I bought them, one of the kids brought a dinner plate to me with a large crack in it. When I asked what happened to it, he said it hit a tree. I don't want to talk about it.
-- Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
-- Erma Bombeck

Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the Tv set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
-- Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
-- Erma Bombeck

Most children's first words are "Mama" or "Daddy." Mine were, "Do I have to use my own money?"
-- Erma Bombeck

Mothers have to remember what food each child likes or dislikes, which one is allergic to penicillin and hamster fur, who gets carsick and who isn't kidding when he stands outside the bathroom door and tells you what's going to happen if he doesn't get in right away. It's tough. If they all have the same hair color they tend to run together.
-- Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
-- Erma Bombeck

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there's a wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
-- Erma Bombeck

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
-- Erma Bombeck

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
-- Erma Bombeck

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
-- Erma Bombeck

Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
-- Erma Bombeck

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"
-- Erma Bombeck

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
-- Erma Bombeck

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
--Erma Bombeck

Why is it when you want a nice souvenir, you find a great shell in a gift shop, but some yo-yo has affixed a ten-cent thermometer to it?
--Erma Bombeck

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
--Erma Bombeck