I woke up at 5 am today to the sound of coyotes howling behind our house. They've recently taken up residency near our property and we hear them almost nightly. I feel so Oklahom-y now.
I also awoke in a panic with the realization that if we sell our house before Matt lands a job, we're going to have a very complicated situation. Sure, we'll be out from under our mortgage, but where exactly will we live? What landlord would even consider renting to a family of 10 with no income? Moreover, if we don't sell and the bank takes our house, we'll be in the same dilemma. What then? The boys started school two weeks ago and there's a real possibility they'll have to transfer elsewhere. I know - they're adaptable and they'll bounce back - but I just wish they didn't have to carry the burden of all of this.
Throughout this journey we've been on for the past ninth months, I've always had a sense of peace and trust that everything will be fine. God is in control and He will take care of us. However, this morning my faith is weak. I have so many worries.
I don't know where this road will lead us. I can only do what's in front of me and blindly follow the path set before us. So, today I will fix breakfast for the family and throw a load of laundry in the washer; then Matt and I will scrutinize the job listings and prepare for another round of rejection letters. Tomorrow we'll wake up and do the same...all the while praying for greater faith and more trust, and fighting the battles and temptations that barrage us.
I still have hope, and I know that we have not been forsaken; but sometimes I tend to focus on what is true instead of the truth. What is true is that we are in a desperate situation and there does not appear to be a job in Matt's future anytime soon. However, the TRUTH is that God has promised to supply all of our needs and work all things for our good to we who love Him and are called according to His purpose. The TRUTH is that whatever happens, it is because God has allowed it and will likewise give us the strength to endure and keep going.
The TRUTH is that when I remind myself of these things, my faith grows stronger, tears of worry turn into tears of joy, and I have the strength I need to conquer another day.
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